70ftandcounting

[voice]

Since...my hair is gone, Kloe mentioned teaching me some First Aid...I was wondering if there's more people out there that can help me with that, too.

Kloe...do you think maybe we could start tonight?

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Yeah, sure. I don't see why not.

[Wow, step back.]

What does your hair have to do with first aid?

Great! Where should I meet you?

My room.

Er.

[Oh yeah, he hadn't ever seen it.]

Ah -- well. My hair used to be...around seventy feet long. And -- blond.

And...um.

Magic.

I'm on my way.

[Oh come the fuck on.

The Once-ler had been under the impression that Rapunzel was more of the not-crazy Keep residents. But, hey, magic hair. Of course. Great. She's a part of the grand master plan, whatever that may be.

Damn it.]

O-kayyy...

It could...heal people. And keep them young.

...Indefinitely.

Riiight.

[He should have known. Nobody genuinely likes the Once-ler. They like the benefits. They either like the benefits, or they're working for some weird organization that wants him to pull an Ebenezer Scrooge and become some semblance of a good person. Newsflash, not happening.]

Magic hair, healing powers, sounds totally legit.

[...Oncie where the fuck did that come from that has nothing to do with HER HAIR.]

...

Um...well..[Did she do something wrong?]

It's true.

["Magic hair" means she's "crazy" which means she HAS ULTERIOR MOTIVES, weren't you listening to my narration? All the crazy people here are part of a plan. The GRAND MASTER PLAN. Someone really needs to tell him this is all seriously happening.]

Yeah. If I suspend my beliefs entirely, it sounds true.