70ftandcounting | [voice | dated to some time after Barti's post]

[voice | dated to some time after Barti's post]

K-Kevas?

[Ever since she'd given him her jar after Bartimaeus had pawned his off on her (and immediately started acting strange), Rapunzel herself started feeling...off.

She needed the troll right now. :c]

Where are you? I -- I need you.

[She swallows, and whispers.]

I think I love you.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

My beloved not-quite-foliot, I feel like you've misdirected the affections that you have for me towards this disagreeable pile of rubbish that's masquerading about as a tolerable creature.

(A poor masquerade, I should add.)

Oh, but Bartimaeus, he's so wonderful --

Do you think...do you think you could help me win him over?!

I--

[That is the sound of a hundred unhappy men swallowing tacks, poisoned snails, and a generous helping of bird refuse all at once. It rather sounds like flatulence meshed with vomiting.]

Win him over?

[Kevas, Bartimaeus has your number. It is counting down to zero. It is your lifespan in his eyes.]

[..]

...Bartimaeus? Are you all right?

[Dot-dot-DOT.]

I do better with every sweet word you grace me with, but in my prostrate adoration of you, I'm afraid I heard you say something you most certainly could never say.

[She giggles and waves a hand.]

You are so silly sometimes, Barti.

I confess that this must be the case! How else could I hear that you would seek another's heart over mine?

W-well...because...it's the...

Truth?

[Maaaaaaybe you guys should try to seal this from him. Just a thought.]

Oh I really don't like where this is going. Any of it.

[Dos doesn't speak. He's too busy laughing. Seriously this is the funniest thing he's listened in on in a while. The poor guy is actually having trouble breathing from laughing as much as he is.

Please, do continue this amazing entertainment.]

I hate you. So much.

[AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAA]

Go tongue kiss your damn moose you scaly bastard.

Did you have a better destination in mind? Perhaps you could scout it out for us.

[And leave him to his golden-haired goddess of quilts.]

I hear that the business end of an elephant's bottom is quite pleasant at this time of year.

Yeah I prefuh we all just stop talkin' 'bout dis and let it go.

[Sorry, no can do. Creepers are not allowed near one of his not!daughters.]

How nice. How 'bout joo just go dere joorself. Alright? Alright.

We shall, the moment that you give up this claim she feels you've staked on her heart.

[He is not giving up on this point, not!dad. And he intends to keep her out after curfew, HA.]

Oh fuh fucks sake...

I ain't be havin' one! I just ain't be wantin' joor creepy ass around her.

[Oh no she shall not stay up past her curfew! Keep away from her you horrible influence!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[voice | dated to some time after Barti's post]

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[Audio] i'm done now. really.

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